Posts Tagged ‘ Ambassador Chris Stevens ’

How to Piss Off a Muslim

By Mona Shaikh for Glitter Snipe


Making fun of any religious figure is a touchy topic but as a Muslim I can tell you my people get mightily pissed off when you speak ill of the Prophet Muhammad.

Nakoula Basseley Nakoula or as he likes to call himself “Sam Bacile” is a fifty-six-year-old jackass who recently decided to test the tenuous limits of Islamic tolerance.

The Muslim world, which has already become a constant reactionary culture, is now reaching a fever pitch. And yet, most of the protesters have not even seen this atrocious trailer.

I watched it, and I think my IQ dropped by twenty points within the first ten seconds. Forget for a moment the movie’s incendiary subject matter — the writing, directing, and technical aspects are so impoverished as to make the Razzie Awards scream, “We’re too damn good for you!” And the voice dubbing alone is so pitiful I’m confident I’ve seen better match-ups in a Meow Mix commercial.

The Innocence of Islam’s clear intent was to spark uproar and infuriate Muslims; well, congratulations Mr. Nakoula: Mission accomplished.

And in that sweeping furor, some of my fellow Muslim brothers and sisters have taken their outrage to an extreme and murdered U.S. Ambassador Chris Stevens and three other U.S. Consulate employees in Libya and are currently launching attacks on the U.S. embassies in Egypt and Yemen. In Sudan they even attacked the German Embassy. Someone needs to ask them what the Germans did to deserve this. Dieter will not be happy, and surely Teutonic tube socks worn with Birkenstocks are not yet a criminal offense. (But hope springs eternal.)

I’m always amazed at the alarmist actions my Muslim brethren take when it comes to defending the Prophet Muhammad — including destroying things in their own cities, getting themselves killed by clashing with police forces, and making themselves look like packs of intolerant Neanderthals. As an American Muslim, these actions make as much as sense to me as Kim Kardashian getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame — or even having a career for that matter.

The Middle East needs to take a serious chill pill. Indeed the Prophet Muhammad is important to our lives but in moments like these the Prophet forgave his enemies and extended the hand of friendship, but you don’t hear about that because it’s not as fascinating as the spurious story about him marrying a five-year-old.

I am not religious by any means but I was raised with the belief system that you respect all faiths, and a true believer is one who loves all. And again, a handfuls of assholes in the Muslim world have managed to steal the spotlight and make us all look like a bunch of backward buffoons.

Now, Egyptian President Mohamed Morsi is demanding that the United States punish Nakoula. How about you give back the $1.6 billion dollars in foreign aid that we give your country annually, and we’ll just call it even? And while Morsi may administer whatever form of justice he wishes in his own country, in my country we have this wonderful thing, which by the way is also mentioned in the Quran repeatedly, called freedom. You may not like this filmmaker’s piss-poor shock-flick but we don’t punish people here for crap — no matter how offensive. The best way this so-called filmmaker should be punished is simply never to be allowed near a camera again because he’s a talent-free FilmFocker.

But the real question is this: Why are these fame hogs so obsessed with making films defaming the Prophet Muhammad? Have you ever seen any Muslim films or cartoons that disrespect Moses or Jesus? No, you haven’t. And that is precisely because in Islam, Moses and Jesus are prophets whom we also love and respect.

Nakoula is a Coptic Christian who tried to pass himself off as an Israeli Jew, which of course lights another powder keg, and now the Israeli flag is being torched alongside Old Glory throughout the Muslim world as we speak. The thing about Muslims is that whether it’s Nakoula or Salman Rushdie criticizing the Prophet Muhammad, the shit gets very real, very fast — for all of us.

The question I want to ask my Muslim brethren is, strictly on a human and Islamic level, how is it all right to kill and get killed in the name of God and/or the Prophet Muhammad. That is not what Islam is about.

Why aren’t we seeing this level of outrage among all Muslims while Syrian President Bashar al-Assad is butchering his own people — our Muslim brothers and sisters? I truly believe Islam has slid into its own version of the Dark Ages; in the same way Judaism and Christianity went through theirs, Islam is going through its darkest, most troubling time.

We started off with the Arab Spring and have ended with a summer bummer, and now the violence has spread to eleven Muslim countries, including my birthplace, Pakistan (surprise!).

The Muslim world must stop reacting to every idiot whose sole intention is to provoke outrage in our communities. The Muslims who are violently protesting in public squares and burning embassies need to arm themselves with the facts and stop reacting to everyone else’s reactions.

Each time Muslims jump the gun with their knee-jerk reactions, they give further ammunition to ridiculous hate-mongering fools who provoke us with their cameras, pens, and paintbrushes.

As for Nakoula, he has now not only pissed off Muslims worldwide, but the entire United States as well, and based on Secretary of State Hillary Clinton’s recent diatribe regarding this little movie, she looked like she was going to be fitted for a dominatrix costume and whip his Egyptian film-making ass into shape. This probably won’t happen but I’m allowed to dream. Folks on both sides need to grab a non-alcoholic beverage, hug it out, and take up a damn hobby.

Peace! Shalom! Salam! Sit down!

Mona Shaikh is a comedienne and the founder of MuslimsDoItBetter.com

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